Getting closer

I am as ready as I'll ever be.

The nursery is finished, all the clothes are washed and put away, the furniture is all set up, we've got a million blankets and the pack'n'play is set up in the living room. The bassinet is next to the bed and I've got the baby monitor charged and there's a cabinet in the kitchen reserved for bottles and breastfeeding supplies. We've cleaned our house top to bottom and same goes for both cars. We bought new car seats and got them installed and checked. My bag is packed and waiting in the car. And we still have almost a month to go.

I'm not uncomfortable yet. This pregnancy has been nice. It feels like I've finally stopped to enjoy it. With Theo everything was fine but I was busy and working and worried and it was my first pregnancy and I was stressed. My next pregnancy, with Sera, was horrible and life threatening and I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone. My pregnancy with Pip was technically fine, but I spent it waiting for things to go bad, because they did with Sera. I think my pregnancy with Pippa was healing, it showed me I could do it.

This pregnancy has been fine. I had no morning sickness, no food aversions, I haven't felt like a whale, I've been in a good mood, and the baby has been active but not painfully so. And I do realize how lucky I am that this has gone so well, because I have been on the other side. I feel beautiful this time, I actually have the glow, I'm not waddling, the baby is sitting fine, low enough so that I can breathe, high enough so that I can walk. I am enjoying myself.

The next few weeks are pretty busy for us, but nothing I can't handle. All I have to do is maintain the house, the laundry, just keep up, nothing extra. I can do that.

Perfect Six

Dear Theodore,

Your name means God's Gift. You really are God's gift to us, my darling.

Six years ago today I got the greatest gift, a healthy baby boy. You.

I remember telling myself to take it all in, because I was sure my life couldn't get any better. I was wrong. You still give me hugs and kisses all day long, you still call my name in the middle of the night, you love me like I'm the only one. Except now you are so much more fun. You can read and write and count and draw and you never stop talking. You can swim and run and play for hours. You are an amazing son and big brother.

Thank you so much, Teddy. I know we incredibly lucky to have you.

Love, Mama, Daddy, Sera, Pippa, and Baby

Deux

This is the morning you were born. A character from the start.

At the beginning you were so content.

And then you formed an opinion on everything, and it usually ended this.

We loved you anyway.

You started getting so big.

This is the moment I realized you weren't an infant anymore.

And then you went and turned one on me. You were pleased.

You really liked your cake. A lot.

And Elmo. Oh, how you loved Elmo.

You started to look just like the Gerber Baby.

And all of a sudden there was a ton of sister love.

Some copying....

And a whole lot of following.

There were many early mornings where you and I both looked like this, unfortunately.

You like to frolic in the sand.

When I leave your hair alone it does this.

You've played hard.

You've gotten very goofy.

You've posed for pictures.

And now you've turned 2

My dearest Philippa, there aren't enough words to describe you.

You're rarely an angel, always a handful, you make me laugh so hard I have contractions, and a minute later you will have me wanting to pull my hair out. You're so independent, loving and snuggly only before you fall asleep, and the rest of the time you would like everyone to get out of the way, thankyouverymuch. You love dogs and you dance to music and occasionally you acknowledge that you have siblings by playing with them for a few minutes. You love water and I'm pretty sure you're going to turn into a fish soon, because your favourite thing to do is splash around in the dogs water bowl. It's a good thing the dogs like you.

We like you too. A lot.

~Mama, Daddy, Theo, Sera, and Baby~

Almost Two

Tomorrow my baby girl turns two years old. I've spent all of the past few days soaking her in because she's growing up so fast.

I miss the beginning. The first month or so, when all she did was sleep and eat and at night when we were all in the family room together playing games, Pippa sleeping in a moses basket in between Nick and I. She was so quiet, the kids didn't pay her any attention, and it felt like Nick and I were the only ones who knew of her, she was only ours.

And then she got an opinion. And the opinion was that nothing was nice and everything sucked and crying as loud as possible while never pausing to sleep was the way to make things better. I don't miss that. Those five months? Can go suck it.

From 6 months on she's just been Pip. Extraordinarily opinionated, independent like no other, and so cute you could eat her up.

I can't believe that tomorrow morning I'll be able to call my baby girl TWO.

Theo, Boy

Making a cardboard robot with my son, and listening to him cheer me on when I did something right, such as give the robot ears. Making dinner for only me, Val (My MIL), and Theo. Theo eating dinner without complaints. My son begging to help me clean up after dinner. Sitting on the couch watching a bedtime movie with Theo, writing easy words such as A, I, It, See, In, No, Yes, Like, etc. on a magna doodle and having him read them successfully, after being sent home a list notifying me that that needs a good deal of work. Win!

Watching him brush his teeth, he manages to make it funny. Watching him kiss and hug his Grandma, they have a special thing. Lying in his bed and reading a book of numbers with him. (Small Story: He recently got bored printing numbers the correct way, so he started making them sideways and/or upside down, backwards, etc. and he forgot which way is correct. We're working like crazy, with numbers everywhere. Just to go to the bathroom he usually has to pass six number checkpoints. Anyways, lying there, seeing him so excited for the next page, next number, it was awesome.)

Settling him down and turning off the light, saying goodnight, and walking out the door of his bedroom realizing that he is not such a little boy anymore. He's grown a lot in the past six months, both physically and emotionally, and he's not a big boy yet. He's just Boy. Not little, but not big.

And the name is...

A secret. (For less than 3 months, lest you forget how fast my due date is approaching.)

Until Hammy is born. We've got tentative names, one for a boy and one for a girl, and the middle names have been set in stone from the beginning, so that's set. The first names might still change, if we get tired of them or the kids hate them, but the idea is that I can stop worrying about having nothing to call the baby. Because now I've got names. And nicknames. It's wonderful.

In other news, I've decided that Hammy is actually the perfect name for this unborn baby until it's born (we will not be naming the baby Hammy). This kid likes to kick. And flip. And twirl. And do freaking jumping jacks and full 360's all. the. time. So Hammy can theoretically be derived from Paul Hamm, Olympic Gymnast, or Mia Hamm, Soccer Player Extraordinaire. One boy, one girl, one perfect name for this fetus.

80 Acres

80 acres of paradise. Snow covered paradise. Roughly 2 to 3 feet of it. Deep green pine trees dusted with snow and frosted lightly. Bare birch trees covered in an icy glaze, frosted. A herd of about 45 bison across the road. The road with no name, just many numbers. The highway that nobody ever goes down. The national park 2 minutes away, with animals of all kinds inside. The animals on the farm. The 14 dogs, the 20+ cats and kittens, the geese, the ducks, rabbits, 5 goats, a llama, many chickens, a wild boar, 9 horses, a foal, a filly, a pony. A herd of cattle, a few pigs, and an indoor dog and cat. Coyotes in the trees in the backyard. A mountain in my backyard. And a lake. An orchard of spindly trees, frosted. A flower garden, dormant. A vegetable garden waiting for spring. Some more fruit trees. Another vegetable garden, this one huge, more than an acre. An old train stop, now a place where chickens and sometimes the ducks and geese live. An old house, long ago fallen apart, but somehow still standing. Somewhat. More trees and paths that only my father and I can follow. Somehow, my mind still remembers every path. A long driveway, up up up the hill, leading to the house. The house that my parents bought when I was three. The house I grew up in. Still a home.

I remember all of this like I am still ten years old and living here. I know this place better than the back of my hand, I could walk anywhere here blindfolded, because I just know. I thought eventually I might forget a lot of this stuff, but I haven't, and I hope I never will, because this place is my childhood.

Nick, the kids, and I. We are here for 9 days. Visiting my parents. I'm trying to show my kids all of it, it's impossible, both because I am hugely pregnant and there is so much to show. But I'm still trying. There have been snowball fights, many animals visited, and Nick is taking Sera and Theo exploring right now. When it gets cold the kids go to the basement an play hide and seek, occasionally coming upstairs with an item I treasured during childhood. It's amazing to watch them discover it all. And when they're tired for a few minutes, there's always Baba and Papa, waiting with hot chocolate and yummy food, and a bookcase full of movies that I grew up watching. I may live elsewhere, far away, and consider it home. But this is also a home. It's like I never left.